i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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