420 ftw
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
