the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
