You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
