So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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