Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How external is "for external use only"?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
