I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
