I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize