I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
