Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
