im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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