I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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