we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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