so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
