I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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