Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
