I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
