Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
