I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
