Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
