I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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