your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
