i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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