I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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