I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
