He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
