I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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