i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
