Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
