we're chasing vodka with high fives
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
