at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i think my cat just said my name.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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