Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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