I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
