hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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