38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
