Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
