my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
