My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
