I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
