NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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