I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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