It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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