Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
