all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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