uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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