You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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