If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
