I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
