I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
