we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
