I think I died a long time ago.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
