oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
