I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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