Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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