Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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