i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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