"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
