dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
