You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
