...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
