Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize