So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize