Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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