Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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