she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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