What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
