on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
